Funny New Year Resolutions

• I will leave my brain at home while going to watch a Rajnikanth movie!
• I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
• I will never again eat a jackfruit before going to a public function.
• I resolve not to see any serial in which any dead character is brought alive.
• I promise to keep a straight face when my wife serves me the one-in-every-week ‘new recipe from the Internet’ experiment.
• I will not gain any more weight. Losing weight is such a hard goal, so I figured why not make it easier. First maintain weight then figure out a way to lose it.
• I will not sit at the computer all the time. I will try to stand while I type for at least thirty minutes a day.
• I will not tell the same story at every get-together.
• I need to start worrying a little.
• I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
• I’m going to learn cusswords in different languages.
• I don’t need any STINKING resolutions!
• I will rename my dog something really strange and long.
• I will go on long ego trips.
• I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all the objectives I have premeditated for this approaching twelvemonth.
• I will remember that life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
• I will not bore my boss with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.
• I will try to figure out why I “really” need nine e-mail addresses.
• I’m not even going to say New Year’s resolution—I’m already in transition.
• Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.
• Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.
• Stop licking frozen flag poles.
• Stop setting three alarms on my phone, just so I can turn the volume off after the first one.
• Only get divorced and remarried once this year.
• Watch more movie remakes.
• Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans.
• Keep it to myself that I have trouble with authority when I’m being interviewed.
• Claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes.
• Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out.
• Spend less than or equal to the money you earn each month.
• Wait 30 seconds before I look up a fact you can’t remember on your phone, and try to remember it using your brain. This is what the olden days were like.
• My New Year’s resolution is not a repeat of the last year’s resolutions.
• Buy a Channel on Television, Make it all about you, and Call it “NOW”. If Oprah can do it, so can I.
• Sit down and write a real list of New Year’s resolutions.
• Make every event of my life top secret and then hope for fame on Wikileaks.
• Buy a Vuvuzela and bring it to the workplace.
• Spend less time reliving the past and more worrying about the future.
• I will abuse as many loopholes of the renewed tax brakes as possible.
• Check my work e-mail account at least once this year.
• My resolution for the year is to not to take any serious resolution.
• I commit to show up my real face and stop using make-up.
• I resolve not to talk bad about my boss with my colleagues. I will say it all face-to-face. Jobs portals, are you hearing me?
• I will regularly remind myself that I am a diabetic (or obese) and need to cut down on chocolates.
• I will relieve people of tolerating my bad breath and brush my teeth.
• I will not play online games till late night just to achieve some stupid ranking.
• Cut down on junk food so that the world can consume it more.