New Year Jokes

New Year is a time for family reunions, friends coming together to have a blast together, and catch up with old acquaintances. The vibe of exuberance and congeniality electrifies the entire atmosphere. One can hear joyous sounds coming from every household, be it music or giggles. To make the atmosphere more light and jovial, people often share with each other many light moments of the past year. One can also crack a joke or two to keep the laughter going. Those who would like to become the center of attention among friends and acquaintances in this year's New Year party can pick up some smart jokes listed in this article to retell, that will definitely keep everyone rocking with laughter.

First Prayer of the New Year
Dear Lord
So far this year I've done well.
I haven't gossiped I haven't lost my temper; I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.

Senator's Opinion
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'

New Year's Resolution
Peter, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette.
'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking', Ken responds.
'I'm in the process of quitting', replies Peter with a grin. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one'.
'Phase one?' wonders Ken.
'Yeah', laughs Peter, 'I've quit buying'.

A Depressed Man
There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying".

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The

cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison".

The Clock Strikes Twelve
It was early New Years Eve when Jim's wife announced she was not well, and they would have to put off their plans for the evening. Later in the day after they had rang everyone and explained why they couldn't come to the party, Jim was invited out for a night with "the boys". He told his wife that he would be home by midnight … promise! He said.

Well, one tall tale led to another while everyone bought him drinks. Before he knew it, it was almost 3:00 a.m. Drunk as a skunk, he took a cab home. Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly he realized his wife will probably wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He felt really proud of himself, for being so quick witted, even when he so drunk.

Next morning, his misses asked him what time he got in. He told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one! He thought. She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When he asked her why she said "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'dang it', cuckooed another 4 times, belched, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat, and cuckooed twice and then giggled".