Funny Christmas Quotes

• Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts - Max Lucado
• Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall - Larry Wilde
• From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it - Katharine Whitehorn
• Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you''re home - Carol Nelson
• You know you''re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger – Robert Paul
• Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year - Victor Borge
• Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts - Max Lucado
• There has been only one Christmas, the rest are anniversaries - W. J. Cameron
• He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree - Roy L. Smith
• A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together - Garrison Keillor
• That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being by people other than me – Jerry Sainfeld
• Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet – Anonymous
• Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year - P. J. O'Rourke
• Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? - Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
• Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present – Anonymous
• Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve. Yuletide excitement is potent caffeine, no matter your age- Carrie Latet
• I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included - Bernard Manning
• There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime.  Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them - P.J. O'Rourke
• I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month. - Anonymous
• Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. - Anonymous
• Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice – Anonymous
• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas – Anonymous
• There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus - Bob Phillips
• Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered - Phyllis Diller
• Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!" - Ogden Nash
• One good thing about Christmas shopping. It toughens you up for the January sales. - Anonymous
• You don’t need Visa when you’ve got Santa! You don’t need Santa when you’ve got Visa! Who needs Santa when you’ve got Grandma! – Anonymous
• There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child - Erna Bombeck
• The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband - Joan Rivers